Maria Forester
A 20-year regular member of the RCMP, currently working in the Forensic Identification Services in Iqaluit, Nunavut. Maria identifies as female.
- As an RCMP employee, what would you tell a young public servant, RM or CM who's afraid to come out?
My advice to anyone who's afraid of coming out is to not worry about what others might think or say. Don't waste years worrying about the possibility of upsetting others. It sounds cliché, but we just have to do what makes us happy and you'll likely be surprised at how much support some people will give you. One of my friends told me something when I came out to her and her comment stuck with me: "If you were dating a man, would you feel you had to tell me in the same way?" She told me to just be me because being me would make me happiest. Although her comments were simple, they made so much sense.
Coming out isn't easy for everyone and there's an obvious stress that comes with it. I'm from a very large family and I had so many fears about my family's reactions. I didn't come out until I had about eight years of service and was in my third RCMP posting. Although I knew my sexual orientation before I went to Depot, I wasn't always honest with myself, nor with others. Before Depot, I experienced a period in life where I felt confused about my sexuality and had a huge fear that others might see me differently if they knew I was gay. Although I'm very close with my mom and my siblings, they'd always known me to date men. I was once married to a man and I knew some of my family would think that I "chose" to be gay and would eventually go back to men. For years, I wasn't comfortable telling my family, friends or colleagues so only my very best friend knew I was gay. I was, and always will be, extremely grateful for her support.
When I eventually did come out, I decided to tell those closest to me and let them spread the word. I told people just before I left for a three-week vacation to Australia. I thought those who were still talking to me when I returned would be the people who truly didn't care about my sexual orientation. I was older than many people are when they chose to come out and looking back, it may have been easier for me because I waited so long. I had already developed an attitude that I didn't care what people thought or said. I was tired of doing what I thought people wanted me to do. I was ready to be sincerely happy and live my life the way I wanted to. You learn who your true friends and loved ones are when you come out. Those people were at my wedding to my wife.
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